Thursday, April 17, 2008

An Offending Pile

So, I'm standing in my living room letting my mind wander for a minute or two as I stare out the window and watch the day go by, and I see my neighbors walking their dogs down the street. They are nice neighbors who are always friendly and responsible with their property. That is to say they aren't like the other neighbors who heap rubbish behind their house like Ma and Pa Kettle and let their dogs bark for thirty minutes at a time .

Anyway, I see the nice people walking their dogs, a big golden retriever who is as sweet as can be and as dumb as a post—he once ate a sock and nearly died before it was surgically removed—and a new golden retriever puppy. Then I see Neighbor Wife suddenly run down the street with the big dog. Then I see Neighbor Husband stopped in front of my house with the puppy on its leash. And then I see the puppy taking a huge dump in my grass. Let me tell you, that is not done in this town unless the dog owner has a plastic bag handy and is ready to pick up the mound of poo and dispose of it properly. I suspected this doggy act of yard vandalism was unexpected, and Neighbor Husband wasn't prepared with a plastic bag. That would explain Wife's running away with the sock eater, although she had no idea I was watching. Neighbor Husband could only tug at the leash and lead the dog away, leaving this pile in my grass uncovered and ready for someone to step in. I was shocked.

A little while later, long enough for people to take their dogs for a walk, Daughter No. 2 was looking out the window just as Nice Neighbors were walking back up the hill. Being as disturbed and I was by the mound of dog poo in our front yard, No. 2 tapped on the window as a kind of joke, not realizing the tap would be heard from the street. Well, it was heard from the street, and Nice Neighbors looked up to see us standing there gawking at them and their dogs and the poo. We dashed out of sight, mortified we might look as if we were spying, but it was too late. And now we looked as if we had been spying and hiding. We had witnessed their bad dog deed, and now they knew we knew.

Later that night we were out on the town and by chance saw Nice Neighbors, and we walked a huge circle around them so as not to come face to face. Funny how they did something offensive, but we were the ones to be embarrassed. It just seemed easier to avoid them than to face them and put them in the position of having to apologize, assuming they would have. I guess we were giving them a bit of grace because they are so nice. Now, if the Kettle's dog had dumped in my yard, I might be writing a different kind of story. I might be writing a story about a flaming pile of dog crap on their front porch. Do you think I'd really follow through with such a prank? I don't either, but it's fun to think about.

17 comments:

Rich said...

I suggest that you put a "no dumping allowed" sign on your lawn.

lynn said...

he he this made me laugh out loud Robyn, the image of you and your daughter scooting off red-faced as if you had both squatted yourselves! lol....

The dog poo thing really gets me down. Here too people are expected to carry the little plastic bag and usually do. There are one or two though...who don't. The other morning i came out to the car to take my son to college and there, on the pavement gracing the space in front of the driver's door was a perfectly-formed gift. Further up the road, still outside my house, another one. I had to negotiate this offence and when i got home, had to clear it up myself. Incensed, i shall tackle the owner if i ever catch them. It's simply not on. Disgusting. I say to you, nice or not, be ready to state your case proudly, firmly and politely (since they're friends). Let's all stand together against unwanted presents.

dive said...

Oh, hee hee hee, Robyn; what a brilliant story!
I hope your nice neighbours are consumed with guilt and squirming with embarrassment. I love the fact that the lady ran for it as soon as the puppy started erupting.
I somehow don't think the flaming dogcrap trick is very "you", though posting it anonymously can be fun. It's what jiffy bags are made for.

Maria said...

I always take a baggie with me when I take Socks for a walk. Since he never shits more than once, I generally bring just one baggie. So, we were walking along, he shat and I did the baggie thing and we headed home. And then, he shat AGAIN, this time in an even more spectacular fashion. I had no more room in the baggie and there was no way to pick it up, so I went up and rang the door bell at the home and told the woman who answered what had happened and said that I would be back to pick it up as soon as I got home for another baggie.

She looked at me like I was from Mars or something but just nodded. So, I went home, got the baggie and returned and picked it up.

A few days later, Liv and I were in the front yard. She was practicing cartwheels while I watched and this same woman came by, walking HER dog. The dog paused, took a massive dump in my yard while she watched him and then...they just walked on. She didn't meet my eyes and I was too astounded to speak.

I've decided that the next time Socks decides to shit in her yard, I am going to leave it there. Because I am just mean like that.

Ms Mac said...

I don't care how nice the neighbours are, if their dog poos on my grass, they should pick it up. I would have (and have been known to) gone out with a bag (chased them down the street) and given it to them for them to pick up their dog poo and take it home.

I was a tyrant like that!

I could afford to be so militant about it, my dog had a weird thing in that she would never do a poo when she was out on a walk. She would only ever poo in our back yard. Strange....

lynn said...

My God, Maria, how astounding is that! The nerve.

dive said...

I want a dog to poo on my lawn when I'm out there with the mower. If you catch that stuff just right it can pebbledash a house. I'd try to catch the owner in a massive splatter of his own dogpoo.

lynn said...

That's a fantastic idea Dive. You need to set it up all plugged in next to the smelly gift and rush out when they walk past. I can't as i have gravel in the front, but Robyn i think you and Daughter No. 2 need to get on to this. lol! Dare you.

Scout said...

Rich, maybe I could paint my own.

Lynn, I really think it was a one-time event, but if it happens again, I'll have to stop thinking of them as nice.

Dive, what's a jiffy bag?

Maria, that story really is unbelievable. You do have some interesting neighbors, and I thought everyone in Nebraska would be nice and sweet.

Ms. Mac, you know, some people are like that and can't use toilets away from home. Weird.

Dive again, I wondered about that very thing. The lawn was mowed just a couple of days later, and I wondered if we ended up with a fertilized lawn. I didn't do the mowing myself, so I don't know for sure.

Zololkis said...

See Please Here

lynn said...

Now i'm curious to know what you call Jiffy Bags out there! Ok it's an envelope of all sizes, complete with pre-manufactured lining of bubble wrap for protection. Hope that explains it. Ideal, as dive says, for doggy-doo. .... I imagine.

Scout said...

Thanks, Lynn. Those bags are called something else here--I'm not sure what. We don't have the phrase "jiffy bags" that I know of, but we do have Jiffy Pop popcorn. And we have Jiffy peanut butter. And Jiffy Lube oil change shops.

Lulubelle B said...

I kept a box of store-brand baggies right by the door and would grab one or two when Daisy and I went out for a walk. On the rare occasion when I was caught bagless (usually on a 2-poop walk), I'd always go back later and pick it up. There's no excuse.

savannah said...

my son gave me a bag of biodegradable blue bags that come with their very own container to carry with me when i walk ghost...that got old after a week, so now i just pull off 3 and stuff them in my pocket just in case he decides he has more to give. . .

btw, like lulu, i've gone back and picked up poop!

lynn said...

Interesting. Not heard of those Jiffy products at all. By the way re your message at my blog: yes please!

Lou FCD said...

I really like Ms. Mac's solution.

"Hey lady, you forgot something!"

Mme Benaut said...

Scout and Maria - seeing is believing! Our neighbour lets his dog run loose and she (Miss Piggy) often comes to visit me and almost as often, leaves me a "package" on my lawn. I absolutely hate that because I'm the one who has to find a baggie and dispose of the horrible stuff. That's one of the reasons I have cats because they bury theirs in a place where their owner NEVER walks. Cats are very considerate in that way.
I imagine that if I challenged my neighbour about his dog though, he would simply say - why don't you fence off your property. I might have to do that.