The other day, Small Town's paper gave us the usual comment in its 30 Seconds column, with somebody complaining about moving here and being shocked by the local gossip chain and how pervasive it is. People who want to reply to the comment on line are instructed to stay on topic so the forum doesn't end up in some kind of irrational rant, but no amount of site monitoring has ever seemed to prevent that.
Here is the first reply from a guy named Joe:
"About the comment on moving to tuscarawas county, Who cares about the gossip! We need to start worrying about these illegal mexicans and guatomolins invadeing our county. These illegals are taking our jobs, ruining our towns (15-20 people living in one home) and the money they make they spend very little here. They send it back to there country to help relatives over here. Something has to be done! Dover is sarting to look like Tiawana! We can't afford to let these illegals take over our towns."
You just know this guy can't distinguish an illegal immigrant from a legal one. I believe we have a serious problem with illegal immigrants and the drain and strain they put on our economy, but what I think Joe really means is he just doesn't like having those dirty Mexicans around no matter how they got here. Fortunately, there was reason in town in the form of other replies:
"I think what our county can't afford is the growing population of functional illiterates we have among us. I don't know how many of them typically live in one house or where they spend their money, but they are making our towns look like a documentary about ignorance. It's shameful and embarrassing, and Joe here is apparently the mascot of this group. Something has to be done."
"I'm with Joe. Here's what we should do: we should round up all of these guatomolins and concentrate them into camps. And then we should assign each one of them an identification number and make them wear a guatomolin flag on their shirt. That way everyone will know who they are. And everyday we will let only a certain number of them out for work detail, but then they will have to return to the camp before night. And if they complain about it, then we will just put them on a train car and ship them out of here. That's what we should do."
The sarcasm in this one was a thing of beauty, although I suspect it went right over Joe's head. I suspect he thought he had made a friend in town who had finally come up with a plan to control the infestation. I don't have issue with people complaining about illegal aliens, but the people with the loudest voices are often the least informed and the quickest to give the stink eye to everyone who looks unusual to Small Town. They are the ones who feel the biggest threat and the most fear. I wonder why that is? Why is it that the dopiest among us are the ones to spout off and don't mind looking like a half wit, a moron, a semi-literate who can't spell and doesn't care? And why are they the ones who resort to threats?
One commentator said this, after a less-than-eloquent rant against illegals: "You are one ignorant SOB if you are an advocate for ILLEGALS!! I would love to punch you right in the mouth!!"
Smart guy, that one. He must be related to Joe, one of those hot heads who can't simply state his opinion in a calm and rational manner but must make threats and call people names and froth at the mouth while his veins bulge out of his red neck. I wonder, if this 30 Seconds forum weren't anonymous and you could actually sit across the table over a cup of coffee with Joe and his buddies, would they still be idiots? Or would they make even the slightest effort to edit their speech and keep their emotions in check? Face to face, you wouldn't be able to tell if they could spell "Guatemalan" or "Tijuana," so maybe they would pass for reasonable citizens. Or maybe they'd start throwing punches once their limited vocabulary left them with nothing else to say, punches right in the mouth.