Over the years, when my in-laws would get together, and the women would find themselves sitting in a room chatting, it was inevitable that my father-in-law would walk in at least once and ask, "What are you people talking about?" And someone would always say, "tampons." Of course we weren't actually talking about tampons, but the look of disgust on the man's face and his quick exit out of the room were worth the lie.
Today, I am actually about to talk about feminine hygiene products, so if that's going to bother you, go to another room and come back later when the subject has changed.
So, I bought a box of tampons, a brand that has a new package design, and it now has a tag line that reads "Pro Comfort." What on earth would possess a marketing team to think that's a good line for a box of tampons? And what does "pro" mean in this context?
I wondered if it meant "for," the same way the Pope is for life as opposed to abortion, and the way the Pedigree pet food people are for dogs. They are for comfort, which is to say they are anti-discomfort. That's a helpful goal for a tampon manufacturer, but it should be assumed, not something to plaster on the box. Just in case you aren't sure, we'll tell you plain and simple we want you to be comfortable.
Then I wondered if "pro" is actually short for professional. You can buy a pro line of running shoes, and you can invest in a pro style musical instrument, skipping over the student model. You can take lessons from a tennis pro as opposed to a hack player with a weak backhand. But since when did this business of needing feminine hygiene products become a profession? And have I been missing out on some income all these years? The minimum wage in Ohio is currently $7 an hour, so I calculate that over a lifetime, I could earn an easy $403,000, not as an administrator but as a menstruator. Of course, then, I wonder if there is a product available for the amateurs, one that is not quite as comfortable as the pro version. And would that lesser product be cheaper?
If there is a union out there, they haven't done a good job recruiting new members because I have never heard of them. As far as I know, they aren't publicly endorsing any candidates or lobbying congress for any specific legislation. Maybe we can get one started? We could team up with the Teamsters for improved comfort. And better working conditions. If our jobs start being sent to India, we'll have representation to help us complain for fair treatment, although I bet most employees in this "profession" wouldn't complain too loudly.
I would be interested in contributing to a retirement fund, something like a 401K, so let me know if you know of any group plans available.