Wednesday, September 10, 2008

What They're Really Saying

A friend sent an email to me yesterday showing the contrast between the daily diary of a dog and one of a cat. The dog is happy with everything and eager to please. The cat, on the other hand...well, you'll see. And here is big fat Mike to demonstrate how the cute meow is not so cute when you know what it really means.

video

Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now................

6 comments:

dive said...

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh …
Mike is SO CUTE!!!!!
He's just jealous of your fabulous shoes, Robyn.

Brenda said...

This reminds me of my husband's description of the difference between dogs and cats: A dog, describing his owners, says, "These people take care of me, feed me and provide me shelter. They must be gods." The cat, however, says, "These people take care of me, feed me and provide me shelter. , I , must be a god!"

Rich said...

Funny!!! Woof!!!

Maria said...

I've never been a pet person until we got our dog, Socks. Up until him, I always thought cats seemed so aloof and condescending and dogs always seemed so...lopey and eager. I always thought that dogs were like Gomer Pyle and cats were like Greta Garbo.

Then, of course, Socks arrived and now I find myself doing things I never thought myself capable of, like talking to him and worrying about his feelings...

Alifan said...

Oh Robyn, I needed a good grin as have been rather busy of late with relatives......
It sounds just like Oscar (ask Dive)he is always saying what a strange noise he makes,... the cat not Dive!!!!!

Shan said...

Well, I've heard tale of his problem tail before but that kitty's face is scrumptious! I love his quiet little squawk. He could simply never have said all of that angry stuff. I do think that's exactly what my brother's cat (who's living with my m & d) says though. She has the most HIDEOUS meow I've heard. It is SOOO loud, and she starts in on the murderous conniving at about 5:00 in the a.m. OY VEY!